06 Jan 2013 21 Comments
How do you go about gaining confidence? I’ve never been a very self-confident person. As a kid, I was horribly shy and embarrassed about my body and about the fact that I wore glasses and was clumsy. I got teased a lot, so I spent a lot of time with my head in a book, avoiding other kids.
Fast forward to now (because who wants to re-hash high school? Not this lady, that’s for sure) and I think my confidence is even lower than it was when I was a clumsy, chubby, bookish kid. To recap:
- My husband cheated on me, emotionally and physically, for the last 5 years of our marriage.
- He consistently told me that the depression I had wasn’t real.
- He left me for another woman almost 3 years ago.
- I got a horrible job at an eBay listing company where the people treated me like I was an idiot.
- I got what I thought would be a better job but the owner turned out to be a bit crazy and laid off a bunch of people, me included, so she could bring in unpaid interns.
- I got a job at this news service, doing something I really enjoyed and felt like I was really good at and worked there for 18 months with very few problems. The Friday before New Year’s Eve, I was called into the owner’s office for a review and they laid me off. Well, reduced my hours to a whopping 8 per week. I found out, after packing up my desk and driving home, that my hours were given to someone that had been fired a year ago.
So you tell me. How do I remain confident in my ability to do anything? To have a relationship (which I haven’t even attempted since Mark and I split up)? To be confident that I know what I’m doing in a job, that I can handle responsibility and that yes, even though I have kids, I can still be a reliable, intelligent, responsible employee? How do I get those feelings back? Because right now, I feel like I’m maybe capable enough to ring a register at the grocery store.
21 Comments (+add yours?)
Leave a Reply